


S.A.F.E.

by MissAdoration



Series: Love Through the Pain [6]
Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Natasha-centric, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Red Room, Religious Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-18
Updated: 2016-01-19
Packaged: 2018-05-14 21:48:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 5,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5760079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissAdoration/pseuds/MissAdoration
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They tried to tell her, but she didn't understand. Now, four months later, and with the help of the one who helped her before, Natasha will finally let go of the one thing that she could never let go of and for the first time in forever, feel safe in the arms of God's embrace.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> And here we begin part 6 of "Love Through the Pain". If you've read this series on fanfiction, you'll notice that I switched the order of this story and "Renewal". Here are some other things you should know too:  
> 1) Please make sure you read "Russia" before reading this one. it's not as important now, but in later chapters, it will be.   
> 2) Anything in italics is meant to be spoken in Russian

It was a chilly, fall day in Stalingrad, Russia. 6-year-old Natalia Romanova's tiny hand was being led by Ivan Petrovich. He was taking her somewhere that was unknown to her. All she remembered from the previous night was the words that he had said to her.

_"_ _Natalia, my child. We are going somewhere tomorrow. Pack whatever you have. We are not coming back."_

She didn't have much, just a few clothes that Ivan had bought for her when he took her in

Hand in hand, the two of them walked down the street. Minutes later, the two of them stopped in front of a building.

Now, for a 6-year-old girl, Natalia was able to read a few small words. She froze when she saw the sign with three words. THE RED ROOM.

_"_ _Trust me, Natalia. I know what I am doing. Everything will be fine. Come inside."_

Reluctantly, she let him take her hand again and lead her inside. He then directed her to sit in a chair while he went to talk with a guy who was sitting at a table, which was located by another door to the building.

_"_ _Are you sure about this, Ivan? She's just a little girl.,"_ the guy asked as he wrote down Natalia's information in a log book.

_"_ _I am. She must begin some kinds of schooling."_

Natalia looked nervously around the room. She didn't see much except for a few other chairs, a TV, and a few other doors which probably led to other rooms of the building.

Then she saw it.

It was another sign.

Very slowly, she read each word.

WELCOME TO THE RED ROOM. HOME OF THE KGB.

Now, Natalia didn't know who or what the KGB was, but something inside her tiny body told her it wasn't good. As quickly and quietly as she could, she crept to the door, opened it, and ran as fast as her small legs would carry her.

She didn't get very far.

Ivan had heard the door close when she left and he immediately ran after her. The second her reached her. He grabbed her by the hair and dragged her back. He then picked her up by the waist and walked back to the building.

_"_ _No! Put me down! Put me down! Don't do this to me!"_ she shouted as he opened the door to go back inside.

_"_ _Don't try to escape my child. You cannot run from me. You belong to me now!"_ he said as he opened another door that lead to a staircase heading up.

_"_ _No, Ivan! Please don't do this to me! Put me down! Put me down! Please no! Please don't do this to me!"_

* * *

"No! Put me down! Put me down! Don't do this to me! No!" Natasha shouted. Instantly, she grabbed her knife from the nightstand and sent it sailing through the air. It then hit the wall with a thud, instantly waking Steve. 

"Nat, it's OK. It's just a dream. You're not there anymore. We're at SHIELD. You're OK. You're safe," he said as he drew her shaking body close to his.

"He wouldn't put me down! He wouldn't put me down!" she sobbed.

"Shh. It's OK. It's OK. I've got you. Just take a few breaths. You're alright. Nothing is happening," he soothed.

She continued to sob into his chest. Whatever she had been dreaming about really unhinged her.

Minutes later, Clint came in the room. He had been instantly awakened when he heard a knife hit the wall.

"Cap, what happened? I heard something hit and…" His look changed when he saw Steve tightly holding a shaking Natasha in his arms. He then came toward the bed and place a hand gently on Natasha's shoulder. She flinched.

"Easy, Nat. It's just me, Clint," he said softly. He then began to rub her shoulder and whisper softly to her.

The next person to walk in the room was Anna. She was somewhat surprised to see a knife sticking out of the wall.

"Is everything…" She then noticed the position that everyone was in, came forward, and placed a hand on her knee.

"I'm here, Natasha. It's OK. It's OK," she soothed. Natasha gave her a small smile.

The last person to come in was Coulson. He had been woken up when he heard Clint and Anna's footsteps. Seeing what was going on, he carefully took Natasha's prosthetic hand in his and began to pray.

"Dear LORD, please help Natasha to sleep tonight as she has been deeply frightened by something. Wrap your arms around her in this time of need. Let her feel your presence and know that You are here. In Jesus' name. Amen."

Anna then reached for Natasha's right hand and held it tightly and for the next 10 minutes or so, everyone sat on Steve's bed and continued to comfort their fellow agent, not caring about the knife that was still buried in the wall.

Finally, the group began to break apart. Coulson left first, then Clint, and finally Anna.

"Sorry we woke you," Clint said to Anna once they were outside."

"It's OK. I'm kinda used to this when I was with Leia."

Clint nodded and then went back to bed. Anna left as well, saying another prayer for Natasha before she fell asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

Natasha was still shaking from her latest nightmare.

She couldn't sleep.

She needed to get away.

"Steve, I can't sleep here," she cried,

"It's OK, Nat. I'll take you somewhere."

"No. Please no!" she pleaded. Apparently she wasn't fully aware of what was actually happening. Her mind was too lost in her nightmare.

"Nat, it's going to be OK. I've got you. Everything will be fine."

"No! Put me down! Please stop!"

"Shh. It's going to be OK."

He walked her to her car and placed her in the passenger seat. He then got in on the other side.

Not wanting to speed, he took off for the only place he thought that Natasha would be safe, his apartment.

Once they arrived, he helped her out of the car and escorted her through the front door of the complex. The second she saw the staircase leading up, she collapsed.

"Easy, Nat. I got you. Just hang on to me," he soothed as he picked her up in his arms. He then continued to whisper to her as he walked up the stairs.

Once inside his apartment, he pulled back the covers and laid Natasha down on the bed. He then brought the covers up to her chin.

"I'll be back. I have to lock up. Just hang on. I'll make you some tea as well," he whispered as he kissed her on the forehead. He then closed the bedroom door behind him.

* * *

The door slammed behind her and she jumped. Ivan then forcefully led her up the stairs.

_"_ _No! Let go of me, Ivan! Please don't do this to me!"_ she pleaded.

_"_ _Enough my child! This is your new home now!"_ he said harshly as he opened yet another door where another man stood waiting for them.

_"_ _Excellent work, Ivan, she's beautiful,"_ he acknowledged when he saw Natalia.

_"_ _She will serve us well. Now let's get started, shall we?"_ Ivan said.

_"_ _Indeed."_

The guy the grabbed Natalia by the arm and dragged her to a big chair in the corner of the room.

_"_ _No! Put me down! Put me down!"_ she screamed as her tiny arms and legs were being restrained.

_"_ _Hush, child. It will all be over soon."_ Ivan said as he came up behind the man. A syringe was clenched tightly in his hand and he was smiling.

_"_ _No! Please no! Don't do this to me! Please don't do this to me! NO!"_

* * *

At the sound of Natasha's scream, Steve immediately rushed back into his room and set the cup of tea on his nightstand. Natasha was sitting upright in bed, breathing heavily.

"Nat. It's OK. It's OK. It's just a dream. It's a just a dream," he said as he drew her close.

She was shaking even more than before.

"He wouldn't let go of me!" she sobbed.

"Shh. It's OK. It's all over. You're safe. We're in my apartment. Slow breaths, Nat. You're alight."

"No. I'm not safe. Safe to me is scared, abandoned, fearful, and empty," she sobbed into his chest.

"Nat, that's not true. Remember what Pastor Evans said last week? Safe is secure, anchored, free, and everlastingly loved."

"No. Not to me. I'm not safe," she cried.

He continued to hold her while she once again cried into his chest. Eventually she stopped and was able to drink the tea that he had made for her.

Minutes later, the two of them laid down on the bed to sleep. Steve wrapped his arms around her protectively and held her. Once he knew that she was sleeping peacefully, he closed his eyes and fell asleep, still holding her in his arms.


	3. Chapter 3

Both were awakened the following morning when Steve's cell phone went off. He must've not turned it down before he went to bed last night.

"Easy, Nat. It's OK. Go back to sleep," he said. He then grabbed his cell off the nightstand.

"Hello?"

"Cap. It's Coulson. Where are you guys?"

"We're at my apartment. She couldn't sleep last night," Steve answered.

"Oh. How's she's doing?"

"Better, but still shaken up. She even had another one while we were here."

"Oh my. She must've not been completely awake when we all came in last night."

"I think so," Steve replied. "How's Anna holding up?"

"She's fine. She's still asleep though. Clint is in your room repairing the wall," Coulson answered.

"I feel so bad that we woke her last night."

"I do too, Cap, but she said that she's used to it."

"I know."

"When will you guys be back?" Coulson asked.

"Later this afternoon. I want to see if she can get anymore sleep," Steve answered.

"Sounds good, Cap. See you later."

"You too, Sir, and tell Clint I said thanks for fixing the wall."

"Copy that."

Meanwhile, Natasha had fallen back asleep. Not wanting to startle her, he decided to try and get more sleep as well.

* * *

(2 hours later)

The two of them arrived back at SHIELD. After a long shower, Natasha immediately went to Anna's room.

"Come in," Anna replied when she heard the knock on her door. Natasha then opened the door and walked in. Anna was busy typing on her computer.

"Hey, Natasha." She said when she looked up.

"Hey, Anna. Are you busy this weekend?"

"I'm actually heading home. I'm scheduled to sing at church and I have a big solo. Why, what's up?"

"I was uh, just wondering if I could possibly go with you," Natasha asked.

"Is everything OK?" Anna asked worriedly.

"Yeah. I just need to get off base for a while."

"OK. I'll be leaving later tonight."

"Sounds good. Thanks, Anna." She then began to walk out of the room.

"Nat, remember, I'm always ready to listen if you want to talk," Anna said before Natasha was out the door. She then turned back around and looked at Anna.

"Thanks Anna. Soon you will know."

* * *

Later that evening, Natasha and Anna left SHIELD and headed for Anna's hometown, which was far away from HQ, just what Natasha wanted. Also, Clint and Steve were assigned to go on a 2-day mission and wouldn't be able to make it to church to hear Anna. Anna promised them that she would sing the solo for them when everyone returned.

Before they fell asleep, Natasha slowly began to tell Anna what her nightmare was about.

"It was way back in the day when Ivan first brought me to the red room. All he told me is that we were going somewhere."

"How old were you?" Anna asked.

"I was six," Natasha whispered.

"Oh my gosh."

"Ivan took me in as his own daughter when my parents were killed. He raised me like I was his own. Then he turned on me. I tried to run away, but he caught up with me. He picked me up and carried me back. He led me up a staircase into another room. Another man that knew him dragged me to a chair and restrained me to it. Then, I saw a needle. Ivan was…He was…He was going to…" Her body began to tense up as the memory came back into her mind.

"Nat. It's OK. You don't have to finish. Not now at least," Anna soothed.

"One day, Anna. One day you will know what Ivan did to me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Take a breath, everyone. I know that was intense.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) No copyright infringement intended on the songs used in this chapter.   
> 2) The italics are song lyrics, they are not supposed to be in Russian.   
> 3) Jenna Roberts is another one of my friends, however that is not her real name. The part that is true is that she did sing with me on my first weekend at church.   
> 4) Greiner is the last name of one of my college professors.

Natasha was loving enjoying every minute of today's service and was somewhat glad that she was by herself. While she liked having Steve, Clint, and Coulson with her and they like coming to Avalon, she needed to have the weekend to herself. Anna was there on stage, but that was different.

The worship team opened with a song called "Lord, I Need You" (Matt Mahr), and now the other girl who was on stage with Anna was singing the opening words to a song called "Never Once" (Matt Redman).

_"Standing on this mountaintop_

_Looking just how far we've come_

_Knowing that for every step_

_You were with us_

_Kneeling on this battle ground_

_Seeing just how much You've done_

_Knowing every victory_

_Was Your power in us."_

_"Scars and struggles on the way_

_But with joy our hearts can say_

_Yes, our hearts can say._

Sing 'never once did we ever walk alone,'" the leader said. 

Natasha was singing each and every word of the chorus. Her hand was raised in the air, worshipping God. Anna's hand was also raised as well as a few members of the congregation. According to Anna, the other girl on stage was named Jenna Robertson. Jenna was the person that Anna sang with on her first scheduled weekend back in 2015.

The next song was a song titled "Cornerstone" (Hillsong United). This time, the leader, whose name was Rob Greiner, sang the first verse and the chorus. The congregation joined in on second verse after they sang the first verse and one chorus.

_When Darkness seems to hide His face_

_I rest on His unchanging grace_

_In every high and stormy gale_

_My anchor holds within the veil_

_My anchor holds within the veil_

_Christ alone; cornerstone_

_Weak made strong; in the Saviour's love_

_Through the storm, He is Lord_

_Lord of all_

_He is Lord_

_Lord of all_

During the collection of the weekly offering, Jenna left the stage and Rob began playing the piano for Anna's solo. The song was "Just Be Held" (Casting Crowns). So far, Anna was doing beautifully. Each world was exactly what Natasha needed to hear. Anna had also told her that this particular song was one that pulled her through difficult situations.

Even though she was sitting down, Natasha still raised her hand to worship God as Anna sang the bridge and the final chorus.

_Lift your hands, lift your eyes_

_In the storm is where you'll find Me_

_And where you are, I'll hold your heart_

_I'll hold your heart_

_Come to Me, find your rest_

_In the arms of the God who won't let go._

_So when you're on your knees and answers seem so far away_

_You're not alone, stop holding on and just be held_

_Your worlds not falling apart, its falling into place_

_I'm on the throne, stop holding on and just be held_

_Just be held, just be held_

_Just be held._

_Just be held._

Tears were slowly falling down Natasha's face as the music ended and the team walked off the stage. Anna had told her before the service that she would come sit with her. And so, as the sermon bumper video was playing on the screen, Anna came in and sat down next to her, and when she saw that Natasha was crying, she slowly put her arm around her to comfort her. Natasha tensed up a small bit, but she relaxed when she heard Anna's soft voice.

"It's OK, Nat. God is right here with us. You're safe."


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No copyright infringement intended on the song lyrics used, which are in italics.

"What a great line from earlier today 'my anchor holds within the veil.' Also, let's give Anna a round of applause for doing a beautiful job on her solo. It was a great reminder for us all to just be held in God's arms."

The congregation applauded as the Pastor Evans finished putting his table and chair in place.

"We are on the second week of our S.A.F.E. series this morning. Last week we talked about what it means to be secure in our faith with Christ, and today we will be talking about what it means to be anchored in Him. That's what the "A" stands for in our acronym. If you have your bibles you can open to Hebrews chapter 6. We're going to look at verse 19 today. It says 'we have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure.' (Hebrew 6:19 New International Version).

Natasha listened to each and every word while taking notes on her outline. She also highlighted the verse on her phone. Everything that was said so far was exactly what she needed to hear. She wanted to be safe in God's arms, but the one thing that she couldn't let go of was Ivan, She knew that he was still out there looking for her so he could kill her. Sometimes she feared that one day he would show up at Avalon and take her. Other times she feared that he would find her at SHIELD. Even though she prayed each night, asking God to help her sleep, she still had nightmares of her past or during her month-long captivity in Russia. Friday's nightmare was just that, and it completely unhinged her to the point that Steve had to get her off base. That's also why she was with Anna this weekend and not at SHIELD. She needed to get away from everything and be by herself.

"There are some of you this morning that are holding onto an anchor that's not from God. It's from the Devil, and he is weighing heavily on you. He doesn't want you to let go of it. He wants you to become so weighted down that maybe you reach your breaking point, But, God says to let it go. He wants you to let go of whatever is weighing you down and be anchored in Him and Him only. He wants you be safe in his arms. He wants you to be secure, anchored, free, and everlastingly loved. Let's pray this morning. "

During his prayer, Anna got up and went back on stage to sing the closing song, which was "Where Would We Be" (Matt Redman). According to Anna, this song was the theme song of the entire series.

Tears were flooding Natasha's eyes and were falling rapidly down her face. She could hardly sing the last chorus of the song.

_Where would we be without Your love?_

_We'd still be lost in darkness_

_Where would we be without Your cross?_

_You made a way to save us_

_Oh, Your love, oh, Your love_

_We're safe in the arms of Your embrace_

_We're breathing in Your freedom_

_Lifting a song of highest praise_

_And breathing out Your anthem_

_Oh, Your love, oh, Your love_

_We're singing_

_Oh, Your love, oh, Your love_

_Jesus, You're the only hope_

_Jesus, hope for all the world_

_Jesus, You're the only hope_

_Jesus, hope for all the world_

Natasha was speechless as the pastor finished saying the blessing. Her face was stained with tears as she sat down and waited for Anna. She really felt God's presence in today's service.

"Natasha, are you OK?" Anna asked when she saw Natasha sitting down.

No answer.

Anna then sat down and put her arm around Natasha's shoulder. She didn't flinch. Instead she wrapped her arms around Anna and the tears started once again.

"It's OK, Nat. I can tell that you were moved by the words of the message."

"I heard God speak to me today," she replied.

For the next few minutes, the two girls sat with their arms wrapped around each other. Natasha was slightly shaking as Anna tried to calm her.

Eventually, Natasha regained enough composure and the two of them left Avalon and headed back to SHIELD.


	6. Chapter 6

Upon returning, Natasha immediately went to what once was Maria Hill's room and locked herself in.

She didn't want to see anyone.

She needed to ponder on what she just heard. She even declined food when Steve offered it to her.

She slept in Maria's room that night.

She wanted to be alone.

Steve understood, as well as everyone else.

"Anna, what was the message about today?" Clint asked as they gathered in the living room to discuss Natasha's strange behavior.

"It was about what being anchored in Christ. It's the second message of the S.A.F.E. series," Anna answered. 

"That sounds like something she needs to hear," Steve responded.

"I think so. Pastor Evans told us that we need to let go of whatever is weighing us down and be anchored in Christ."

"Ivan. Ivan is what's weighing her down," Clint chimed back in.

"Clint, I think I agree with you. I think God is telling her to let it go, but she doesn't know how."

"I think I do," Clint answered.

"How?"

"Anna, hidden in the top drawer of the desk in Room 3, there is a disk. That disk is security footage from Russia. It shows the room that Natasha was held in. It also shows the moment when I shot Ivan with an arrow."

"Does Natasha know about it?'

"No, I hid it after I showed it to Steve. I was planning to wait until she was ready to talk about it. You may not know this, but I think there are still some things that she hasn't told me about."

"I didn't know," Anna answered. "So, how will that help her?"

"Well, I was thinking that when she was ready to talk, I would weave it into the conversation." Clint explained,

"She keeps telling me that one day she'll tell me what happened. I don't want to push her for answers though."

"She'll tell you one day. I know she will. She seems to trust you very much. And when she does tell you, I think you should mention the disk."

"I will."

After finishing the conversation, everyone retreated to their rooms for bed.

As Anna was heading to her room, she overheard music coming from the room where Natasha had locked herself in. It was the song that they had sung at the end of today's service. When the song ended, she heard a faint voice.

"OK God. I'll let it go! I'll let it go!"

* * *

(2 days later)

Natasha's strange behavior was weighing heavily on Steve. All day yesterday, she never left the room. She didn't even eat. He tried to talk to her last night, but her voice had been strained from crying that she could hardly speak. She did however allow him to hold her in his arms for a few minutes.

Before leaving, he kissed her on the forehead and whispered softly/

"Nat, whenever you're ready. We'll all be here to listen. It's going to be OK. God is with you."

"Thank you," she said hoarsely.

He kissed her one more time and left the room.

Finally, around 3:00, Natasha emerged from the room, and the first place she went was to find Anna, who according to a text, was in the shooting range.

Sure enough, Anna was there. She was practicing with a bow and arrow. A few weeks ago, she had asked Clint to show her how to use one. By now, she was a natural at it.

"Anna?" She called. Her voice was still hoarse from tears, but she was able to talk.

Anna lowered the bow and looked toward the door to see who it was. It was Natasha, and she was still wearing the outfit from Sunday.

"Natasha? Are you OK?" she asked worriedly.

"Anna. We need to talk. Now," Natasha said as she tried to fight back tears.

"Do you want to get off base?" she asked as she put the bow on the table.

"No. Room 3."

"OK. Let's go."

Anna put her arm around Natasha's shoulder and the two of them walked down the hallway to Room 3.

Once inside, Natasha locked the door.

She didn't want to be disturbed.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Might want to get out a couple tissues. Also, make you have read "Russia" by now or this probably won't make much sense. It will if you don't, but I would highly recommend reading that story first.

"Nat, is everything alright? You haven't been yourself since we got back to SHIELD, and now you're locking me in a room. What's going on?" Anna asked as Natasha sat down across from her.

"Anna, how much do you know about Russia?" Natasha asked.

Anna was caught off guard by Natasha's question, but got an idea as to where this conversation was going. She then thought for a few minutes about what she knew from talking with the rest of the team.

"Well, I…I know that Ivan captured you here in the US and brought you back to Russia. He then tortured you for a month. You then spent a month in a Russian hospital and a month recovering at Steve's apartment," Anna replied.

"That's basically it," Natasha answered putting her head down.

"Natasha, what exactly did Ivan do to you?"

Natasha looked up into Anna's eyes. A few tears were beginning to form, but she wasn't about to let them fall.

"He…He beat me. He beat me almost every night. He wanted me to say that my name was Natalia Romanova and not Natasha Romanoff. He wouldn't stop until I said it. I was then left in the room to suffer through the night."

A few tears were now forming in Anna's eyes as Natasha continued on, telling her about how Ivan injected her with a chemical that made her remember her past.

"It was like my body was on fire. It spread fast and it overwhelmed me. I couldn't get away because I had been restrained to the chair."

Anna then took Natasha's hand in her own and held it tightly.

"Natasha, I am so sorry that all of this happened to you."

"Thank you," Natasha responded as she let her tears roll out.

The two girls then embraced, and they stayed that way for the longest time. Finally, Natasha let go.

"Anna, Ivan is still out there. He's looking for me. I know he wants to kill me," Natasha whispered.

"Natasha, why do you say that? Do you not believe what Steve and Clint are trying to tell you?"

"I want to believe it, but I never saw the arrow go through him. I only heard it because my eyes were closed. The last thing I saw with his gun pointing at me. He was going to kill me right on the spot. After I heard a body fall to the ground, Clint was in front of me, staring directly into my eyes," Natasha answered.

"Natasha, the body that you heard fall to the ground was Ivan. Clint released the arrow before Ivan was able to shoot you."

"How do you know that? You weren't there!" Natasha cried.

"Natasha, let me show you how I know," Anna responded. She then went to one of the cabinets and pulled out one of the computers. She also located the hidden disk that Clint told her about.

"Natasha, you may not know this, but a few days after Clint pulled you out of the room, Russian police went in to collect the body. They also recovered a security camera that was hidden in there where you couldn't see it, but has a clear view of Ivan falling to his death. Nat, I think you should see this. It might help you understand things better." Anna said. She then put the disk in the computer and pressed PLAY.

Natasha was in shock at what she sw. As she was gripping Anna's hand, she watched the moment when Ivan came into the room with his gun pointed at her. Then, with tears in her eyes, she saw it. She saw Clint release the arrow straight into Ivan's back. He fell in front of her, dead. Clint then made sure he was dead by stabbing him with another arrow.

"That was Clint?" Natasha asked with tears.

"Yes, he took care of Ivan for you. You don't have to worry about him anymore. He can't hurt you," Anna whispered.

Tears were streaming down Natasha's face. She let go of Anna's hand and buried her face into her own hands. She couldn't believe it. Ivan was gone. Clint and Steve were right.

Anna placed a hand on her shoulder. She then lifted her head.

"Anna, find Clint and Steve. I need to talk to them. Now."

"OK. Stay here. I'll be right back," Anna then quickly left the room in search of Clint and Steve.


	8. Chapter 8

Steve was in Coulson's office being debriefed on an upcoming mission when Anna knocked on the door.

"Sorry to interrupt, but Steve, Natasha needs to talk to you."

"Is she OK?" he asked worriedly.

"I don't know how to describe it."

"Where is she?"

"Room 3," Anna answered. Steve quickly got up from his chair and rushed out of Coulson's office.

"Coulson, do you know where Clint is at?"

"He went out to run a quick errand for me. He'll be back soon," Coulson responded.

"Tell him to get back her. Stat. Natasha needs to talk to him too."

"Copy that, Flannigan," he said as he picked up his phone to call Clint.

Anna then went back to Room 3 and waited outside the door.

She could slightly hear Natasha crying and sobbing.

* * *

Steve had his arms tightly wrapped around Natasha's shaking body.

"He's gone, Steve. I finally saw it. Ivan's dead. He can't hurt me anymore," she sobbed into his chest.

"I know. We've tried to tell you, but you didn't understand."

"I do now. I do now!" she sobbed.

He continued to hold her for the next few minutes as her sobs continued. Finally, after months of not understanding, she finally understood that Ivan Petrovich, the man who nearly ruined most her life was now dead and gone, and the person who killed her was her partner, Clint Barton.

When she finally stopped crying, Steve wiped the tears from her face and held her hands in his.

"You're safe, Natasha. It's all over," he whispered.

"Steve where's Clint. I need to see him. I need to thank him for saving my life."

"I'll go find him," he then kissed Natasha on the forehead and left the room. Meanwhile, Natasha sat in the room and waited, thanking God for finally letting her see that her enemy was gone.

* * *

Clint ran as fast as he could through the base. He always moved quickly when something was wrong with Natasha. So when Coulson called him and told him that Natasha needed to talk, he immediately got in his car and practically sped all the way back to HQ.

Upon reaching Room 3, and all out of breath, he found her. She was sitting in a chair, looking out the window. A somewhat serious look was on her face.

"Nat, you OK?" he asked.

Upon hearing Clint's soft voice, Natasha stood up and immediately ran to Clint.

"Hold me," she said with tears. Clint brought his arms up and tightly wrapped them around her body.

She was shaking.

"Nat, are you OK?" he asked again.

"Thank you. Thank you for saving my life with that arrow," she sobbed.

"You're welcome.," he responded. He was confused at first, but then he started putting things together. Anna must've shown the disk to Natasha and she finally saw Ivan go down.

"Nat, there's something I want to show you too," he said a few minutes later after her body somewhat stopped shaking.

"What is it?"

"Well, you might think I'm crazy, but I have the actual arrow that I shot into Ivan's body. I yanked it out of Ivan's body after I knew he was dead. I then kept it hidden in my room. I never used it after that, I wanted to show it to you when you were ready," he explained.

"Let me see it. I can handle it now," she responded. Clint then led her to his room. Anna followed close behind, wanting to see it as well.

* * *

Natasha sat on Clint's bed while he pulled the box from his closet. She knew what was in it. It was the arrow that Clint used to kill Ivan. He then handed the box to her to open.

She opened the box and lifted the arrow out. The tip of the arrow was stained with blood. Ivan's blood. He was gone, and she had proof.

Clint moved the box off her lap as she clenched the arrow tightly in her hand.

"Nat, you have my permission to break it and get rid of it. I don't' want to see it ever again. It was bad enough that I had to save it, but I want you to know that I did it for you," he said.

"Thank you," she whispered. He then kissed her on the forehead and left the room.

After sitting on the bed for a few minutes and clenching the arrow tightly enough to snap it or bruise her palm, she stood up and walked out of the room and down the hall to the living room where the fireplace was. She then snapped the arrow in half and threw it in the fire and watched it become engulfed in flames.

All of those horrible nightmares, all of the torture, all of the trauma, all of it was gone and being burned away.

As she watched the arrow burn away, Anna came up behind and stood next to her. Natasha then looked her in the eyes and spoke.

"I am no longer scared, abandoned, fearful and empty. Instead I am secure, anchored, free, and everlastingly loved. I am safe in the arms of God, breathing in his freedom."

Anna then embraced her in a tight hug.

"I am so proud of you, for finally letting go of the one thing weighing you down."

"I am now anchored firmly in Christ."

  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there we have it, Natasha finally came to terms with the fact that Ivan is dead!  
> Part 7 is already posted. It's titled "Renewal"  
> Follow me on Twitter (@AdorationAmy) and check me out on [tumblr](http://adorationamy.tumblr.com) to ask questions and see what I am up to.


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